The Tale of the Reality Show Pitch


I will be honest, I haven’t watched a single episode of any of the chef-based reality shows. From the titles and the promos, I gather they are intense and tear-inducing. But has any of these wanna-be chefs gone up against the toughest dining demographic this world has ever known?

I propose a new show — Kid’s Kitchen. Gordon Ramsey has nothing on the cranky 2-year-old whose toast is not cut properly.

Contestants on this show would have to please parents when it comes to nutritional value of the meals, and kids when it comes to taste (and smell, temperature, texture, colour, familiarity, shape, size, etc., etc.). They would face the following challenges:

-Requests for elaborate meals that, once made, are rejected outright without so much as a bite being consumed (“But you asked for macaroni and cheese…”).

Picture from: Simply Me

-Dishes that must meet demanding standards – which will vary for each diner and will depend on each diner’s mood that day (which is to say no points for creativity).

-Copious amounts of food being consumed one day, next to nothing consumed the next with no way of knowing what the desired quantity will be in advance.

Endless requests for juice, or milk, or chocolate milk (not that I give my kids chocolate milk – blasphemy!).

-Parents that demand that fruit and vegetables be consumed and new foods tried – children who won’t eat fruit and vegetables and will not be persuaded to try a new food. Ever. No matter the presentation. Or the fancy way it is made. Or the plain way it is made. Not now. Not ever.

The winner will be a Mary Poppins/Julia Childs/The Nanny combo who can miraculously inspire kids to eat mango, and eggplant and kale. We will erect statues in his/her honour and parents will come from far and wide to introduce their children to the wonders of his/her kitchen. Others will believe this unicornian creature does not even exist (of course the product lines that would pop up in grocery stores everywhere should be enough to convince those idiots). His or her greatness will be known throughout the world (which is why, I don’t really see the need for a huge prize on the show. I’d like to keep production costs low  you understand. These are difficult financial times we live in people).

Think it will work?


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