Category Archives: Household

The Tale of the Double-Team


Sometimes in defending our rationale for stopping at 2 rugrats (why do we even have to defend this? We gave the world two beautiful, charming, intelligent, funny, darling girls, isn’t that enough?), my husband or I will quip that we didn’t want to be outnumbered. Two parents vs two kids. Even teams, right?

That is the theory. Here is our reality.

More often than not the father and I are solo parenting rather than team parenting. I work by morning/early afternoon; he works by mid-afternoon/evening/night. When not at work we are each on duty as PIC (parent-in-charge — no joke, this is a term we use, as in, “I don’t have to answer this question right now, you’re the PIC.”). Now the parental team is down by one and the littles can double-team.

I notice this most when I am trying to clean (really, I do try). I can, reasonably, only clean one room at a time. More often than not I will emerge from that room only to find one or two or three of the other rooms in the house have been systematically destroyed by Team Tiny (yes, that would make us Team Huge, we’ve accepted our weight, you should too). I literally cannot keep up to them – they are messing up the place twice as fast as I can clean it (but I believe that it was Mother Theresa who said, “clean it anyway”…).

So, I’m looking for recruits. Who wants to proudly wear the Team Huge jersey and clean up after my family for no compensation? Anyone? Anyone? Huh, crickets in December. Odd.


The Tale of the Made Bed


The other day my 4-year-old wandered into my room, and upon seeing my made bed, widened her eyes in surprise and said, “Whoa, Mommy”. She then asked if she and her little sister could “try out” my bed. She climbed up, laid against the pillows and asked, “Where is your blanket?” Thinking she was referring to a specific favourite blanket of mine, I told her it was in the laundry. She said, “No, what do you sleep under on this bed?”.

Not only did my made bed come as a surprise to her, but she was wholly unfamiliar with the concept of her parents made bed. I KNOW (in all-caps, bolded and underlined for extra emphasis) that I have made my bed periodically over the last 4 years of her life. It is not a sight unseen for her. But I shudder to think that it was long enough ago that she had no recollection of that bed being made. In my defence (if such lapses in housekeeping and parenting are defendable – and the iron-clad bastions of modern day social mores, women’s/parenting magazines and the internet, would indicate they aren’t), we have recently purchased a new duvet cover and it may just be that she’d never seen the bed made with that particular configuration.  I am going to go with that explanation, if only so I can sleep tonight (in my currently unmade bed. Sigh).

The Tale of the Missing Family


If you live in my area, do not be alarmed if something like the following appears in local news. And if they withhold our names while they contact my brother in China, be assured, it is us.

A local family met a tragic end this week when they were buried in their home’s clutter. The family of four were found by one of their neighbours and her husband three days after they were overtaken. The neighbour described finding them:

We realized we hadn’t seen them for a few days, so we went to check on them. When we got no response to our repeated knocking we opened the door. We couldn’t believe what poured out – church bulletins, school calendars, birthday party favours, take-out menus, toys, books, clothes, and the drawings and paintings. Oh my. It was just endless.

Her husband added: “The size of the dust bunnies just blew my mind. You can’t even call them ‘bunnies’. I’d say they were dust bears”.

Police officers at the scene were not suprised at this incident. They see it as a growing epidemic.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity in this ongoing investigation, one officer shared how common this scenario is, “Oh, yeah, we see this kind of thing all the time – not always with this tragic result, but it’s a real danger. This is just the normal amount of stuff generated by a household of this size”.

The officer went on to say that in a time when technology should be allowing for a paperless society, what they see is the opposite. There seems to be more and more paper clutter for a family to deal with. He also blamed the busyness of families and the pressures of modern parenting with creating a perfect storm of a lot of stuff acquired, a lot of things to do and a lack of time to do it in.

And then you have all these parenting magazines, books and websites insisting on making time with the family a priority even if it means neglecting the house a bit, and well, you can see, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. We lost another family about a year back — they were having Family Boardgame Night in the basement and were overtaken by toxic mould.

Area residents realized that this could have easily occured to them. Many at the scene commented on how close they are to experiencing the same tragedy. The local Home Hardware ran out of blue boxes as people picked up supplies on the way home, vowing to clear the clutter once and for all.