Tag Archives: food

The Tale of the Reality Show Pitch

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I will be honest, I haven’t watched a single episode of any of the chef-based reality shows. From the titles and the promos, I gather they are intense and tear-inducing. But has any of these wanna-be chefs gone up against the toughest dining demographic this world has ever known?

I propose a new show — Kid’s Kitchen. Gordon Ramsey has nothing on the cranky 2-year-old whose toast is not cut properly.

Contestants on this show would have to please parents when it comes to nutritional value of the meals, and kids when it comes to taste (and smell, temperature, texture, colour, familiarity, shape, size, etc., etc.). They would face the following challenges:

-Requests for elaborate meals that, once made, are rejected outright without so much as a bite being consumed (“But you asked for macaroni and cheese…”).

Picture from: Simply Me

-Dishes that must meet demanding standards – which will vary for each diner and will depend on each diner’s mood that day (which is to say no points for creativity).

-Copious amounts of food being consumed one day, next to nothing consumed the next with no way of knowing what the desired quantity will be in advance.

Endless requests for juice, or milk, or chocolate milk (not that I give my kids chocolate milk – blasphemy!).

-Parents that demand that fruit and vegetables be consumed and new foods tried – children who won’t eat fruit and vegetables and will not be persuaded to try a new food. Ever. No matter the presentation. Or the fancy way it is made. Or the plain way it is made. Not now. Not ever.

The winner will be a Mary Poppins/Julia Childs/The Nanny combo who can miraculously inspire kids to eat mango, and eggplant and kale. We will erect statues in his/her honour and parents will come from far and wide to introduce their children to the wonders of his/her kitchen. Others will believe this unicornian creature does not even exist (of course the product lines that would pop up in grocery stores everywhere should be enough to convince those idiots). His or her greatness will be known throughout the world (which is why, I don’t really see the need for a huge prize on the show. I’d like to keep production costs low¬† you understand. These are difficult financial times we live in people).

Think it will work?

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The Tale of the Butter Dish

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Let me explain.

I was on a break from work, peacefully eating my lunch at the family table. My husband was on the other side of the table, eating his lunch and supervising the baby’s meal. He left abruptly to run an errand. The 3-year-old had an emergency trip to the bathroom and needed my help. When I returned the above picture is what I found. Somehow the 8-month-old had pulled the butter dish off of the table and onto her tray, and obviously enjoyed both playing with and ingesting the butter it contained (she cried when I took it away).

Clearly, this is not my fault. Clearly, her father should not have left the butter dish within reach of her tiny grasp. I had no choice but to vacate the room with haste (when the preschooler has to go, the preschooler has to go). It was clearly the father’s responsibility to ensure safe environs for the baby before he took off (I didn’t even know the butter dish was there! I am always low-cal, low-fat…what? No really. Ok, I am lying). And clearly, I had a responsibility to run downstairs and retrieve my phone to snap a couple of pictures as evidence before taking it away from her (thus extending the amount of time she had to revel in her conquest). Right? I have no regrets. I make no apologies (of course, he does still have a few more: “she didn’t walk across campus on my watch” arrows in his quiver, so…).

My advice? Highchair cage.